Blood Sugar: 87
So I found out last night that I am a bad diabetic. Honestly, I was just shocked by the revelation. 8 years ago, I considered myself a bad diabetic. I didn't actively try to control what I ate or my blood sugars and I pretty much lived with my blood sugar, I'm sure, astronomically high. But something happened 5 years ago...I don't know if it was just something inside of me that said, "you are killing yourself every day you don't TRY to control your blood sugar," or if it was my impending marriage or the fact that I was now a mamaw...but my attitude changed. I was proactive, and if anyone knows me, proactive is not really my style...mostly I just want to hang out and see what happens. I found a doctor, I counted carbs, I decided I wanted an insulin pump to help me get things back into an acceptable range. And I've rocked it. Sure I have high blood sugars now and then and low blood sugars too...but it's NOTHING like it was prior to being on the pump. So what caused someone to say that I was a "bad diabetic"? The reply caused me to gag a little...I'm a bad diabetic because I take insulin. Uh, no, I'm alive today because I take insulin and that has NOTHING to do with being bad versus being good. As a matter of fact, my accuser went onto tell me that it was good that I didn't have children because bad diabetics cannot have successful pregnancies. What rock has my informer been living under? Keri at www.sixuntilme.com just successfully produced a little angel and there are millions of more stories like hers...but I think the hardest thing to take was the fact that I'm NOT the bad diabetic I was and I'm pretty proud of the control I have now and prefer the way I feel most of the time now better than before. I don't know, it just really rubbed me the wrong way and I wondered if anyone else had any thoughts on this...I think diabetes sucks and I think that people are either good or bad, but diabetes cannot be either. I have good days and I have bad days, but so does every non-diabetic in the world. Diabetes is something I live with but it is not something that defines who I am, I define how I handle it and what I allow it to affect in my life. While diabetes is a distinct part of who I am and does play into my decision making process (ie do I have enough insulin in my pod to eat that chocolate covered cream puff) it is NEVER the sole factor in my decisions. Thoughts?
Friday, August 13, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Irony At It's Finest
Blood Sugar: 94
On June 21, I posted a blog about this fear inside of me that I couldn't quite put my finger on...well June 25, 2010, my husband lost his job and our health insurance. Now let's talk about fear. I am absolutely terrified. I have medical bills that I still need to pay not to mention my mortgage and electric. I just don't know what we are going to do. I know that I can't afford to pay for COBRA...Now I can talk about being terrified. My company is working to get us health insurance, but we have such a small group and I'm the only one with a problem...so I'm sure when the quotes come in, it's going to raise the cost for the whole group because of me. Life is not fair, is it? I'm just trusting that God will provide the answers for me. He already is moving in ways that I could never have imagined. My friend was clearing stuff out after her husband passed away and was able to give me several bottles of insulin and test strips to use and I am SO very thankful. But I hate waiting, don't you?
On June 21, I posted a blog about this fear inside of me that I couldn't quite put my finger on...well June 25, 2010, my husband lost his job and our health insurance. Now let's talk about fear. I am absolutely terrified. I have medical bills that I still need to pay not to mention my mortgage and electric. I just don't know what we are going to do. I know that I can't afford to pay for COBRA...Now I can talk about being terrified. My company is working to get us health insurance, but we have such a small group and I'm the only one with a problem...so I'm sure when the quotes come in, it's going to raise the cost for the whole group because of me. Life is not fair, is it? I'm just trusting that God will provide the answers for me. He already is moving in ways that I could never have imagined. My friend was clearing stuff out after her husband passed away and was able to give me several bottles of insulin and test strips to use and I am SO very thankful. But I hate waiting, don't you?
Monday, June 21, 2010
I'm Scared
Blood sugar: 175
So, I'm scared. I'm scared of a thousand different things and I honestly have no idea what is making me feel like I need to write about it tonight. I was just sitting here, changing my pod and realized that the insulin that I am putting in the pod, is a hot commodity. My new health insurance is an HSA insurance. They called it a way to help me better manage my healthcare costs. The reality of this is that it has caused me to readjust how I manage my diabetes because of the costs that I incur everytime I go to the pharmacy or doctor. Sure, I walk out of the doctor paying nothing and get to wait for the bill, but it's the prescriptions that have me quaking in my boots. I was putting the insulin in the pod and thought, "what if this pod fails?" I can't retrieve the insulin really, so can I afford to waste that much? I can't. I also don't test my blood sugar as often because I only have a set number of strips per month. I just have a lot of issues with the way our healthcare system is set-up and I have a lot of questions that go unanswered...for instance:
if the medication is life-sustaining, shouldn't you give me a break on the cost? I mean, charge me full price for the test strips, I can maneuver around that, but the insulin? I have to have it or I die...it's pretty cut and dry, no gray area there...
I can only imagine that it's going to get worse before it gets better. I know that everyone has their own opinions of the new healthcare reform and what is going on in our government and while I don't know all the particulars, I can safely say that something needs to happen...something big needs to happen. I know that I am not the only person that has found themselves in this kind of position either and like you I have pushed due dates on other bills in order to have enough to pay for the prescription that I can't live without...but this isn't like I'm eating steak on a Ramen noodle budget...there are no options. I make too much money for assistance, but not enough to cover my necessary expenses with any ease and still live. So what are you doing to cope with the costs of healthcare and related expenses? I'm open to suggestion!
I just know that I don't like this fear that lives inside of me...
So, I'm scared. I'm scared of a thousand different things and I honestly have no idea what is making me feel like I need to write about it tonight. I was just sitting here, changing my pod and realized that the insulin that I am putting in the pod, is a hot commodity. My new health insurance is an HSA insurance. They called it a way to help me better manage my healthcare costs. The reality of this is that it has caused me to readjust how I manage my diabetes because of the costs that I incur everytime I go to the pharmacy or doctor. Sure, I walk out of the doctor paying nothing and get to wait for the bill, but it's the prescriptions that have me quaking in my boots. I was putting the insulin in the pod and thought, "what if this pod fails?" I can't retrieve the insulin really, so can I afford to waste that much? I can't. I also don't test my blood sugar as often because I only have a set number of strips per month. I just have a lot of issues with the way our healthcare system is set-up and I have a lot of questions that go unanswered...for instance:
if the medication is life-sustaining, shouldn't you give me a break on the cost? I mean, charge me full price for the test strips, I can maneuver around that, but the insulin? I have to have it or I die...it's pretty cut and dry, no gray area there...
I can only imagine that it's going to get worse before it gets better. I know that everyone has their own opinions of the new healthcare reform and what is going on in our government and while I don't know all the particulars, I can safely say that something needs to happen...something big needs to happen. I know that I am not the only person that has found themselves in this kind of position either and like you I have pushed due dates on other bills in order to have enough to pay for the prescription that I can't live without...but this isn't like I'm eating steak on a Ramen noodle budget...there are no options. I make too much money for assistance, but not enough to cover my necessary expenses with any ease and still live. So what are you doing to cope with the costs of healthcare and related expenses? I'm open to suggestion!
I just know that I don't like this fear that lives inside of me...
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Your Biggest Supporter
Blood Sugar: 76
Continuing in my "I'm still behind on this" style...
The next blogging assignment is to talk about our biggest supporter. My biggest supporter, without question, is my husband, David. David and I have been together since 2002 and married in 2005. He has always been just what I needed whenever I needed it. When I finally decided to take control of diabetes instead of it controlling me, he was on-board for the endeavor. I struggled through new diabetes regimens and doctors...he was right there with me. I tried being reasonable with these doctors and I tried to accommodate the expectations that they set, but it became a bigger and bigger problem. Finally I decided to try to get on an insulin pump, I was connected with a doctor that wanted me on a pump too...I learned about carbs and counting them, I learned about managing blood sugars and taking better care of myself. I figured out how many blood tests I needed to take a day to achieve the proper numbers when I went to the doctor and David was right there with me for every terrifying step of the way. I love him for it. His support and involvement has really opened my eyes to how wonderful life can be and how lucky I am. It has also given me the confidence to be supportive of other insulin-dependent diabetics, including our 2 year old niece, who was recently diagnosed. I can be a comfort to her and have a wealth of information to share with her parents! It's amazing how things work out and the paths that open up for us when we choose to see the shiny side of the coin!
Continuing in my "I'm still behind on this" style...
The next blogging assignment is to talk about our biggest supporter. My biggest supporter, without question, is my husband, David. David and I have been together since 2002 and married in 2005. He has always been just what I needed whenever I needed it. When I finally decided to take control of diabetes instead of it controlling me, he was on-board for the endeavor. I struggled through new diabetes regimens and doctors...he was right there with me. I tried being reasonable with these doctors and I tried to accommodate the expectations that they set, but it became a bigger and bigger problem. Finally I decided to try to get on an insulin pump, I was connected with a doctor that wanted me on a pump too...I learned about carbs and counting them, I learned about managing blood sugars and taking better care of myself. I figured out how many blood tests I needed to take a day to achieve the proper numbers when I went to the doctor and David was right there with me for every terrifying step of the way. I love him for it. His support and involvement has really opened my eyes to how wonderful life can be and how lucky I am. It has also given me the confidence to be supportive of other insulin-dependent diabetics, including our 2 year old niece, who was recently diagnosed. I can be a comfort to her and have a wealth of information to share with her parents! It's amazing how things work out and the paths that open up for us when we choose to see the shiny side of the coin!
Monday, May 17, 2010
Making The Low Go
Blood Sugar: 103
Next up on the daily diabetes blog post...which is significantly behind like 4 days!!! The criteria calls for "your favorite way to treat a low." My favorite way to treat a low is to over-treat it apparently, because that is what I ALWAYS do. When I was young, I remember going low and stumbling to the kitchen and not being able to figure out how to make a sandwich or a bowl of cereal....Pesky lows that leave me confused and scared are my least favorite. I have a pretty decent low-tolerance and can fully function at 60, although I don't like letting it go there, but after 60 you just never know what's going to happen...You could find me lying in the kitchen floor wondering why I am there, or maybe looking at the bread and the bologna and trying to make that "thing with the bread and the bologna"...Yes, I've had that conversation with my husband.
Recently, my favorite fix is an overloaded bowl of Fruity Pebbles. I love Fruity Pebbles and I don't care who knows it, but I rarely eat them because I found that the serving size of the cereal rarely matches the serving size of the milk and the whole bowl just becomes a bitter disappointment...but when I'm low, I just pour cereal and milk until it almost doesn't fit in the bowl anymore! I also keep a stash of glucose tabs that I'm not afraid to use. A lot of people complain about the chalky taste, but I just call them candy and I'm fine. I especially like the fruit punch flavored ones from Wal-Mart and have heard that the sour apple kind found at Sam's Club is also tasty, so I'll have to check that out.
So with this kind of regimen going on, I can safely say that I have never treated a low blood sugar without a significant spike later...which is much easier to deal with now that I am on the OmniPod, but still a real pain in the butt.
Next up on the daily diabetes blog post...which is significantly behind like 4 days!!! The criteria calls for "your favorite way to treat a low." My favorite way to treat a low is to over-treat it apparently, because that is what I ALWAYS do. When I was young, I remember going low and stumbling to the kitchen and not being able to figure out how to make a sandwich or a bowl of cereal....Pesky lows that leave me confused and scared are my least favorite. I have a pretty decent low-tolerance and can fully function at 60, although I don't like letting it go there, but after 60 you just never know what's going to happen...You could find me lying in the kitchen floor wondering why I am there, or maybe looking at the bread and the bologna and trying to make that "thing with the bread and the bologna"...Yes, I've had that conversation with my husband.
Recently, my favorite fix is an overloaded bowl of Fruity Pebbles. I love Fruity Pebbles and I don't care who knows it, but I rarely eat them because I found that the serving size of the cereal rarely matches the serving size of the milk and the whole bowl just becomes a bitter disappointment...but when I'm low, I just pour cereal and milk until it almost doesn't fit in the bowl anymore! I also keep a stash of glucose tabs that I'm not afraid to use. A lot of people complain about the chalky taste, but I just call them candy and I'm fine. I especially like the fruit punch flavored ones from Wal-Mart and have heard that the sour apple kind found at Sam's Club is also tasty, so I'll have to check that out.
So with this kind of regimen going on, I can safely say that I have never treated a low blood sugar without a significant spike later...which is much easier to deal with now that I am on the OmniPod, but still a real pain in the butt.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
A Day In The Life...with Diabetes
Blood sugar: 104
The criteria was simple. Write a blog every day for seven days about the different aspects of diabetes and how it affects your life. Sounds simple enough. I saw this on another diabetes blog, so I'm a few days behind, but better late than never...so here it goes.
The first assignment was to take the reader through a "quick rundown of an average day and all the ways in which diabetes touches it." Sounds simple until you really think about it and realize that diabetes has it's nasty little finger on every moment of your day. For instance, let's talk purses. I'm a self-proclaimed over packer and over pack everything, every day. I carry a larger purse just so I can drop my little 'bag of supplies' into it. Would I carry a larger purse if I didn't have to accommodate my diabetes supplies? I can't answer that because I don't really remember a time before having to carry the extra supplies. Sure I would leave the house without checking and making sure that everything I needed was in there, but the fact remains that I still had a bag.
There's no time for random eating...birthday cakes, while not forbidden, are a real pain in the finger. I check my blood sugar, guess at the carb amount and eat the cake...but did I guess close enough to not have to pay for the cake later? It's a crap shoot...so while I cannot run down a list of times and activities, I can safely say that there is nothing typical about any day with diabetes. Each day has it's own learning curve and you just have to cope the best way that you know how to. And each day, you just get through it. Sometimes you are fighting lows and sometimes you are fighting highs, but in the end, it doesn't really matter as long as you keep fighting.
The criteria was simple. Write a blog every day for seven days about the different aspects of diabetes and how it affects your life. Sounds simple enough. I saw this on another diabetes blog, so I'm a few days behind, but better late than never...so here it goes.
The first assignment was to take the reader through a "quick rundown of an average day and all the ways in which diabetes touches it." Sounds simple until you really think about it and realize that diabetes has it's nasty little finger on every moment of your day. For instance, let's talk purses. I'm a self-proclaimed over packer and over pack everything, every day. I carry a larger purse just so I can drop my little 'bag of supplies' into it. Would I carry a larger purse if I didn't have to accommodate my diabetes supplies? I can't answer that because I don't really remember a time before having to carry the extra supplies. Sure I would leave the house without checking and making sure that everything I needed was in there, but the fact remains that I still had a bag.
There's no time for random eating...birthday cakes, while not forbidden, are a real pain in the finger. I check my blood sugar, guess at the carb amount and eat the cake...but did I guess close enough to not have to pay for the cake later? It's a crap shoot...so while I cannot run down a list of times and activities, I can safely say that there is nothing typical about any day with diabetes. Each day has it's own learning curve and you just have to cope the best way that you know how to. And each day, you just get through it. Sometimes you are fighting lows and sometimes you are fighting highs, but in the end, it doesn't really matter as long as you keep fighting.
Friday, January 1, 2010
2010...Can't Wait To See You
Blood Sugar: 156
Doing a lot of thinking today...many people are considering new year's resolutions and while I have things I want to change this year, I am looking at things from a whole new prospective. I seriously cannot see out of my left eye. It's cloudy and portions of my line of sight are blocked by blood that has collected in the vitreous lining of my eye.
So today, for me, is more about perspective than exact steps to change my ways of doing things. I have to re-evaluate my lifestyle and habits and have to come to some kind of resolution to change based on my future years on this earth instead of basing it on starting the new year on the right foot. Reality is dictating my steps versus desire...the harsh reality is that I could potentially lose my sight. It's something that has been said for the last 25 years, but it's real now. It's happening now. My decisions are based on my fears now instead of my desires...things are not the way that I want them to be. I don't want to face complications of diabetes and I don't want to change the way I do things. I am more suited to just roll with the punches instead of choreographing the steps. Whether that's good or bad is irrelevant...it's factual. My attitude has to change. I have to take the initiative and take control. I have to be actively checking my blood sugars and correcting the highs and stopping the lows. I have to make changes in my eating habits and come to grips with the reality that if I do not do these things, I won't be here for the many things that I want to be here for...more grandchildren, my step-daughter's wedding....retiring and growing old with my husband.
If I'd only known then, what I know now. If as a child I was more able to understand the impending complications that diabetes brings...if only I could be more accepting of things as they are because I've created them. How do you wrap your mind around such 'grown up' things when you are 8? You don't and you have to deal with the consequences of the choices you made when you were a child. I wish I still had that innocence and naivety that would be so wonderful right now...
Doing a lot of thinking today...many people are considering new year's resolutions and while I have things I want to change this year, I am looking at things from a whole new prospective. I seriously cannot see out of my left eye. It's cloudy and portions of my line of sight are blocked by blood that has collected in the vitreous lining of my eye.
So today, for me, is more about perspective than exact steps to change my ways of doing things. I have to re-evaluate my lifestyle and habits and have to come to some kind of resolution to change based on my future years on this earth instead of basing it on starting the new year on the right foot. Reality is dictating my steps versus desire...the harsh reality is that I could potentially lose my sight. It's something that has been said for the last 25 years, but it's real now. It's happening now. My decisions are based on my fears now instead of my desires...things are not the way that I want them to be. I don't want to face complications of diabetes and I don't want to change the way I do things. I am more suited to just roll with the punches instead of choreographing the steps. Whether that's good or bad is irrelevant...it's factual. My attitude has to change. I have to take the initiative and take control. I have to be actively checking my blood sugars and correcting the highs and stopping the lows. I have to make changes in my eating habits and come to grips with the reality that if I do not do these things, I won't be here for the many things that I want to be here for...more grandchildren, my step-daughter's wedding....retiring and growing old with my husband.
If I'd only known then, what I know now. If as a child I was more able to understand the impending complications that diabetes brings...if only I could be more accepting of things as they are because I've created them. How do you wrap your mind around such 'grown up' things when you are 8? You don't and you have to deal with the consequences of the choices you made when you were a child. I wish I still had that innocence and naivety that would be so wonderful right now...
Monday, December 14, 2009
She's Got Diabetic Eyes
Twenty-five years before the first signs of uncontrolled diabetes has reared it's ugly head. 2 surgeries on my hands last year and and now it's time to work on my eyes.
I noticed early last week some 'disturbance' in my vision. After educating myself, via WebMD, I found that these little things that were in my way had a medical term: floaters. It didn't sound too prestigious to me either. So I made an appointment with my family doc, because that's what WebMD said I should do. She was "very concerned". Now let me tell you what that said to me...Karin, we are going to have you see a specialist, but we are going to have to remove your eye. OK, so that's not WHAT she said, but that's what I heard. I made the appointment with the specialist at the office she recommended and went to see him today.
It wasn't a good visit...definitely not the way I wanted to start my relationship with a new eye doctor...I saw the first doctor and he said that I should just sit for a few and he'd send in the surgeon. Excuse me, did you say surgeon? Yes, yes he did. So in comes the surgeon and he repeats all the things the previous doctor had done. Problems, problems, problems. Everything that can go wrong with a diabetic's eyes is going on with one or both of mine. I'm reading the stuff, trying to find out about co-pays and what is and what is not covered by my insurance and I have my first appointment in the laser clinic tomorrow. I'm not really in the mindset to go into specific diagnosis and verbage right now. Right now, I'm scared. I'm scared of going blind. I'm scared I can't afford the payments for the treatments. I'm scared that I won't be able to work. I'm scared I won't be able to drive. I'm scared I won't be able to read my Bible. I'm scared I won't be able to watch my granddaughter grow up. I'm scared about so many things.
I don't know if anyone even reads my blog. I know that I don't faithfully write here, but maybe one day I won't be able to anymore. I just keep thinking about all the things that I could have done differently and then thinking about why God had this in His plan for me...and then I wonder why when I'm at one of the scariest points of my life, I sit and question the God that I want everyone else to believe in. Maybe this is about prioritizing the things in my life...maybe this is about setting an example...maybe this is about finding out if I am strong...maybe the reasons are not meant for me to know.
I noticed early last week some 'disturbance' in my vision. After educating myself, via WebMD, I found that these little things that were in my way had a medical term: floaters. It didn't sound too prestigious to me either. So I made an appointment with my family doc, because that's what WebMD said I should do. She was "very concerned". Now let me tell you what that said to me...Karin, we are going to have you see a specialist, but we are going to have to remove your eye. OK, so that's not WHAT she said, but that's what I heard. I made the appointment with the specialist at the office she recommended and went to see him today.
It wasn't a good visit...definitely not the way I wanted to start my relationship with a new eye doctor...I saw the first doctor and he said that I should just sit for a few and he'd send in the surgeon. Excuse me, did you say surgeon? Yes, yes he did. So in comes the surgeon and he repeats all the things the previous doctor had done. Problems, problems, problems. Everything that can go wrong with a diabetic's eyes is going on with one or both of mine. I'm reading the stuff, trying to find out about co-pays and what is and what is not covered by my insurance and I have my first appointment in the laser clinic tomorrow. I'm not really in the mindset to go into specific diagnosis and verbage right now. Right now, I'm scared. I'm scared of going blind. I'm scared I can't afford the payments for the treatments. I'm scared that I won't be able to work. I'm scared I won't be able to drive. I'm scared I won't be able to read my Bible. I'm scared I won't be able to watch my granddaughter grow up. I'm scared about so many things.
I don't know if anyone even reads my blog. I know that I don't faithfully write here, but maybe one day I won't be able to anymore. I just keep thinking about all the things that I could have done differently and then thinking about why God had this in His plan for me...and then I wonder why when I'm at one of the scariest points of my life, I sit and question the God that I want everyone else to believe in. Maybe this is about prioritizing the things in my life...maybe this is about setting an example...maybe this is about finding out if I am strong...maybe the reasons are not meant for me to know.
Monday, September 21, 2009
30 Things About My Invisible Illness
1. The illness I live with is: type 1 diabetes
2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: 1984
3. But I had symptoms since: I just recall the weeks leading up to it...
4. The biggest adjustment I've had to make is: having to plan every footstep so that I'm accommodating the demands of diabetes.
5. Most people assume: that I wouldn't have diabetes if I lost some weight.
6. The hardest part about mornings are: waking up with a blood sugar that is too high or too low.
7. My favorite medical TV show is: I used to watch HOUSE, but I saw that episode with the tape worm that was like 30 feet long and I lost my desire to tune in.
8. A gadget I couldn't live without is: my Insulin pump.
9. The hardest part about nights are: having low blood sugars in the middle of them.
10. Each day I take 2 pills & vitamins: I'm not really good about taking pills...but I'm very good at taking insulin.
11. Regarding alternative treatments: I don't think there really are any alternatives to insulin, but I'm open to suggestions and willing to be a guinea pig.
12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: How do you choose something like this...I'll stick with invisible and my type 1 because at least I know how to deal with it.
13. Regarding working and career: I am thankful that I am able to work because many illnesses leave people unable to.
14. People would be surprised to know: that diabetes affects each person differently and you can't compare one diabetic person to another when discussing food choices and treatment. The same things are just not right for everyone else.
15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: in 1984, it was not being allowed to eat Strawberry Shortcake cereal, but now, I think it's the harsh reality that I'm not going to live to be 90 because of all the damage I allowed diabetes to do to me while I was younger and ignoring it.
16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: I never thought I would live to graduate high school...uh, hello 30's! LOL
17. The commercials about my illness: they have commercials about my illness?
18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: nothing now since I have a pump, but when I was younger there was a lot of issues about food choices and NO SUGAR...now it's about moderation and carb counting.
19. It was really hard to have to give up: hoping for a cure--thanks Kerri
20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: I'm really into trying to get my blood sugar within range. I'm a complete failure, but I do get excited!
21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: eat cheetos out of the bag and drink several fountain coca-colas from White Castle.
22. My illness has taught me: that no one's perfect and that's OK.
23. One thing people say that gets under my skin is: when they talk about how their grandma couldn't eat that or their uncle had to have both legs amputated...they are not me and I'm trying not to head there...
24. But I love it when people: ask me about my insulin pump and why I'm testing my blood sugar. I'm all about teaching and getting rid of the ignorance.
25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: it's just knowing that I'm not alone with this...there are other people that deal with the same things I do and that God is always with me.
26. When someone is diagnosed I'd like to tell them: that I'm here if they need me.
27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: that when you have a support team that gets involved, it makes it a little easier to deal with.
28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn't feeling well was: when David helped me check my blood sugar.
29. I'm involved with Invisible Illness Week because: well, I'm more involved with this questionnaire than anything...I didn't know it was a whole week thing.
30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: that you understand me and my invisible illness and little better and will take that knowledge and help someone else.
2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: 1984
3. But I had symptoms since: I just recall the weeks leading up to it...
4. The biggest adjustment I've had to make is: having to plan every footstep so that I'm accommodating the demands of diabetes.
5. Most people assume: that I wouldn't have diabetes if I lost some weight.
6. The hardest part about mornings are: waking up with a blood sugar that is too high or too low.
7. My favorite medical TV show is: I used to watch HOUSE, but I saw that episode with the tape worm that was like 30 feet long and I lost my desire to tune in.
8. A gadget I couldn't live without is: my Insulin pump.
9. The hardest part about nights are: having low blood sugars in the middle of them.
10. Each day I take 2 pills & vitamins: I'm not really good about taking pills...but I'm very good at taking insulin.
11. Regarding alternative treatments: I don't think there really are any alternatives to insulin, but I'm open to suggestions and willing to be a guinea pig.
12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: How do you choose something like this...I'll stick with invisible and my type 1 because at least I know how to deal with it.
13. Regarding working and career: I am thankful that I am able to work because many illnesses leave people unable to.
14. People would be surprised to know: that diabetes affects each person differently and you can't compare one diabetic person to another when discussing food choices and treatment. The same things are just not right for everyone else.
15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: in 1984, it was not being allowed to eat Strawberry Shortcake cereal, but now, I think it's the harsh reality that I'm not going to live to be 90 because of all the damage I allowed diabetes to do to me while I was younger and ignoring it.
16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: I never thought I would live to graduate high school...uh, hello 30's! LOL
17. The commercials about my illness: they have commercials about my illness?
18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: nothing now since I have a pump, but when I was younger there was a lot of issues about food choices and NO SUGAR...now it's about moderation and carb counting.
19. It was really hard to have to give up: hoping for a cure--thanks Kerri
20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: I'm really into trying to get my blood sugar within range. I'm a complete failure, but I do get excited!
21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: eat cheetos out of the bag and drink several fountain coca-colas from White Castle.
22. My illness has taught me: that no one's perfect and that's OK.
23. One thing people say that gets under my skin is: when they talk about how their grandma couldn't eat that or their uncle had to have both legs amputated...they are not me and I'm trying not to head there...
24. But I love it when people: ask me about my insulin pump and why I'm testing my blood sugar. I'm all about teaching and getting rid of the ignorance.
25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: it's just knowing that I'm not alone with this...there are other people that deal with the same things I do and that God is always with me.
26. When someone is diagnosed I'd like to tell them: that I'm here if they need me.
27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: that when you have a support team that gets involved, it makes it a little easier to deal with.
28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn't feeling well was: when David helped me check my blood sugar.
29. I'm involved with Invisible Illness Week because: well, I'm more involved with this questionnaire than anything...I didn't know it was a whole week thing.
30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: that you understand me and my invisible illness and little better and will take that knowledge and help someone else.
Friday, April 17, 2009
When Things Fall Apart
Blood Sugar: 182
Ok, so it didn't fall apart, we disassembled it. This is the interior of my pod. Who knew that you could fit all that stuff in the little thing I wear on my body that keeps me ticking? I think this is really an amazing piece of work. I guess this is my moment at 'art'! LOL I think the inner-workings of my pod is very symbolic of life with diabetes. It's a culmination of a million little things that make diabetes doable...livable. Every spring,screw, and piece of plastic has a purpose to fulfill in keeping me going...just like every blood test and every carb I count has a purpose to fulfill. Interesting, that something so complicated and intricate comess in a small plastic dome that I wear. Who knew?
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Secrets
Blood Sugar: 210
So I was reading a guest post on the Diabetes OC and Leann talked about how she used to hide the fact that she was diabetic. Talk about relating. I spent years trying to keep it a secret. I didn't want anyone that did know to speak of it. I took great pains to make sure that I was always able to hide it. But why? It was simply the fact that I didn't want to be viewed as different. I didn't want to be categorized as sick. I didn't want to be singled out as "the diabetic". I just wanted to be. It seems so silly to me now. I mean, I'm writing a blog that focuses on being a person living with diabetes and I have pretty much opened the door to my life...my stuff...my eccentricities about it all...what do you do? The other day Dear Abby had a letter from a person that was recently diagnosed with diabetes and she was asking if it was appropriate to inject herself while at restaurants and whatnot...It was so relieving to read that someone else was asking this kind of question. I, too, have found myself places where I wondered if it were OK to just go ahead and shoot up...I couldn't see the logic of going to a public restroom to inject myself...OH THE GERMS!!!! I always tried to be discrete, but I wasn't shy. It's funny how I have changed. The big secret has changed into a badge of honor, if you will. You know, Hey! Look at me! I'm diabetic. Is is maturity? Maybe, but I think it is more of an acceptance of self. Why should I let anyone or what they think of me define me? I define me. I am what I am and you can take it or leave it. Once you accept yourself, and your condition there is no reason to ever look back. I hope you aren't hiding your illness...embrace it and live, it's not going anywhere!
So I was reading a guest post on the Diabetes OC and Leann talked about how she used to hide the fact that she was diabetic. Talk about relating. I spent years trying to keep it a secret. I didn't want anyone that did know to speak of it. I took great pains to make sure that I was always able to hide it. But why? It was simply the fact that I didn't want to be viewed as different. I didn't want to be categorized as sick. I didn't want to be singled out as "the diabetic". I just wanted to be. It seems so silly to me now. I mean, I'm writing a blog that focuses on being a person living with diabetes and I have pretty much opened the door to my life...my stuff...my eccentricities about it all...what do you do? The other day Dear Abby had a letter from a person that was recently diagnosed with diabetes and she was asking if it was appropriate to inject herself while at restaurants and whatnot...It was so relieving to read that someone else was asking this kind of question. I, too, have found myself places where I wondered if it were OK to just go ahead and shoot up...I couldn't see the logic of going to a public restroom to inject myself...OH THE GERMS!!!! I always tried to be discrete, but I wasn't shy. It's funny how I have changed. The big secret has changed into a badge of honor, if you will. You know, Hey! Look at me! I'm diabetic. Is is maturity? Maybe, but I think it is more of an acceptance of self. Why should I let anyone or what they think of me define me? I define me. I am what I am and you can take it or leave it. Once you accept yourself, and your condition there is no reason to ever look back. I hope you aren't hiding your illness...embrace it and live, it's not going anywhere!
Friday, February 6, 2009
Another day, another anniversary
Blood sugar: 129
So today's the big day...the big 2-5...It's hard to believe. It's another one of those situations where I have to ask is it a happy anniversary? What's the proper thing to say on a day like today? "Hey, Karin, glad you made it!" I know that many, many people live to have their 25th or even 50th anniversaries with diabetes, but yet again, it's bittersweet. I'm glad to be alive still. I'm glad that the treatments for diabetes have improved. I'm glad I'm here to blog about it. But would I be happier to not have to deal with the daily struggles, you bet. To not have to count the carbs that I eat, absolutely. To not be forced to stick myself with some sort of needle every day for the rest of my life, without question. But I'm not alone in this. It's something that millions of others face every day right along with me. So what if I'm a little rougher for the ride? I made it this far, right? And who's to say that I won't make it to my 50th? Well, that's entirely up to me and God, right? So here's to 25 years with diabetes! I've dealt with the big D this long...I can handle it as it comes.
So today's the big day...the big 2-5...It's hard to believe. It's another one of those situations where I have to ask is it a happy anniversary? What's the proper thing to say on a day like today? "Hey, Karin, glad you made it!" I know that many, many people live to have their 25th or even 50th anniversaries with diabetes, but yet again, it's bittersweet. I'm glad to be alive still. I'm glad that the treatments for diabetes have improved. I'm glad I'm here to blog about it. But would I be happier to not have to deal with the daily struggles, you bet. To not have to count the carbs that I eat, absolutely. To not be forced to stick myself with some sort of needle every day for the rest of my life, without question. But I'm not alone in this. It's something that millions of others face every day right along with me. So what if I'm a little rougher for the ride? I made it this far, right? And who's to say that I won't make it to my 50th? Well, that's entirely up to me and God, right? So here's to 25 years with diabetes! I've dealt with the big D this long...I can handle it as it comes.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Happy One Year Anniversary?
Blood Sugar: 170
Today marks the anniversary of me switching from traditional injections to the OmniPod. Do you say happy anniversary for something like this? I mean, it's a bit bittersweet when you look at it from my angle. I love being on the OmniPod. I love the vast changes it has made in my life--TO my life. My quality of life is better, I feel better, I am able to do more things than when I was on injections. But I am still and always will be a chronically ill person with the job of managing a disease that is not manageable. Being on the OmniPod has really let me live a more normal life than I ever thought possible. Of course, there is no denying that diabetes is still a lot of work and it does take constant effort to control blood sugars that change without rhyme or reason, but it's a little different now. There's no more leering people at restaurants as I inject myself, there's no more questions about it hurting, there's less limitations that I face, but it remains my ever-constant...companion. It's funny when you stop and really look at things--it seemed so easy on the surface to just say, "Yeah, no more shots for me," but then reality sets in and you know that you can be happy about this little thing, and many people won't understand why and you lack the words to explain it...Wouldn't life be easier if we could just accept the happy without looking at the sad? Well--happy anniversary to me, because I just want to be a little happy.
Today marks the anniversary of me switching from traditional injections to the OmniPod. Do you say happy anniversary for something like this? I mean, it's a bit bittersweet when you look at it from my angle. I love being on the OmniPod. I love the vast changes it has made in my life--TO my life. My quality of life is better, I feel better, I am able to do more things than when I was on injections. But I am still and always will be a chronically ill person with the job of managing a disease that is not manageable. Being on the OmniPod has really let me live a more normal life than I ever thought possible. Of course, there is no denying that diabetes is still a lot of work and it does take constant effort to control blood sugars that change without rhyme or reason, but it's a little different now. There's no more leering people at restaurants as I inject myself, there's no more questions about it hurting, there's less limitations that I face, but it remains my ever-constant...companion. It's funny when you stop and really look at things--it seemed so easy on the surface to just say, "Yeah, no more shots for me," but then reality sets in and you know that you can be happy about this little thing, and many people won't understand why and you lack the words to explain it...Wouldn't life be easier if we could just accept the happy without looking at the sad? Well--happy anniversary to me, because I just want to be a little happy.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Disolve it all
Blood Sugar: 151
I have very sensitive skin. Not a big deal usually. I use lotion and try to keep up with how dry my skin can get from the weather or from the diabetes. So my pods have an adhesive circular pad on them that keep them where I put them. I rotate the sites that I use in an effort to assist in insulin absorption over time. So two spots that I rotate to are on either side of my stomach. Well, the first time I tried to remove a pod from there it left these horrendouse welts on my poor sensitive tummy. They were sore and they itched and it was miserable. The next time I decided to be more careful and I peeled it back and it was pulling my skin off. I was miserable. As usual, when I have a question I hit the net and started asking different discussion groups and other pumpers if they had this same problem and if so, what could I do? I was introduced to this laundry aid. It's not perfect, but it is SO much better than yanking the pod off my tummy. It has a nice citrus scent that isn't overly citrusy...it's not a chemical smell. It doesn't dry my skin out. I do still get a bit of a welt, but that's just my sensitivity to the adhesive---the welt is no longer as big as the pod! But the downside...the goo!!! That adhesive turns into the stickiest goo. My granddaughter saw me trying to clean it off my belly one night and said, "Mamaw, you got boogers?" It was extremely funny...but unfortunately very accurate. So that's my story. Sorry it took so long to get back in the blog groove. I have a couple blogs geared up, but I'm not quite finished writing. I hope you stay tuned...
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Time Just Slips Away...
Blood Sugar: 111
So I didn't realize it had been so long since I updated! The holidays have really taken over at my house and we've been busy, busy, busy. Presents to buy and wrap, people to visit. Today we are heading to my mom's and tomorrow to dad's. Christmas with David's family is on Christmas Eve and then Christmas morning we'll be here with the kids. If only all the pieces were perfectly in their place...but alas, they are not. I hope that Christmas finds you in a merry place and that you are able to truly enjoy the time that you are spending with your loved ones. I hope that Santa is good to you and you at least have fun opening a few presents. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year and Happy Hannukah....or just be happy because why not?!
I'll be back with more posting after Christmas!
So I didn't realize it had been so long since I updated! The holidays have really taken over at my house and we've been busy, busy, busy. Presents to buy and wrap, people to visit. Today we are heading to my mom's and tomorrow to dad's. Christmas with David's family is on Christmas Eve and then Christmas morning we'll be here with the kids. If only all the pieces were perfectly in their place...but alas, they are not. I hope that Christmas finds you in a merry place and that you are able to truly enjoy the time that you are spending with your loved ones. I hope that Santa is good to you and you at least have fun opening a few presents. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year and Happy Hannukah....or just be happy because why not?!
I'll be back with more posting after Christmas!
Friday, December 12, 2008
I Survived
Blood Sugar: 84
So I have successfully completed a second surgery and as you can see, I am able to type and whatnot. This surgery was VASTLY different than the last one. For starters, I woke up in the OR. Wide awake and chatting to the nurses. It was really strange. I couldn't feel anything that they were doing and they had put a sheet up so I couldn't watch--which was fine--but there I was awake. Looking back I should have told her to give me a little more juice to knock me out, but it is what it is and I learned what not to do! LOL I took a couple of pictures of my stitches, but they aren't very good. This one was the best. So I have to keep using my hand and stretching my finger out and hopefully I won't have to go back in a month, but we'll see. I think if I have to do this again, I'm going to ask to be put back out in the OR and not chat and I also think I'm going to ask for stronger pain killers. I don't like taking pills, but when you hurt that bad, well, why not? I'd rather be drugged than in pain. How about you?
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Occlusion Alarms
Blood Sugar: 88
So I just use the word occlusion in my everyday speech and had NO idea that no one else knew what it meant. So for the non-pumpers that are reading, an occlusion occurs when there is an issue in the canula, which is the tiny tube that is inserted under your skin with your insulin pump. I just recently had an occlusion and when I looked the canula was filled with blood which means that the pod I was wearing was not delivering insulin properly. So it's something that happens to us pumpers and it's annoying, but it doesn't make me want to go back on injections for any extended period. I haven't given myself a shot since January...I don't even feel like I could now, if I had to. But anyway, the whole point of this post is that I do not feel that my particular pump, the OmniPod, is very sensitive to an occulsion. Don't get me wrong, I love the OmniPod, I am not bothered by the pods I wear at all, but I would have liked an earlier alarm...you know prior to my blood sugar being 413. It made for a long day though. Checking my blood sugar and bolusing and checking and bolusing...it was finally better late that afternoon, but it's a hassle. What if the alarm had gone off in the middle of the night instead of when I got to work? I would have been up and changing it and fixing the issue with a 2 hundred-something blood sugar and that would have been WAY better. Still...the control that I have now via the OmniPod is something that I never dreamed of on injections. I used to wake up every morning with my blood sugar in AT LEAST the 300's...I definitely prefer the occasional high to the daily high!
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
I've Sorta Been Tagged
Blood Sugar: 172
The rules!
Link to the person that tagged you, and post the rules on your blog.
Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself.
Tag 7 random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs.
Let each person know that they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog. So since this has been on the blog of three of my friends (Ginger, Barb and Laura), I'm going to do it with a Diabetes twist.
So let's get started, right?
1) I have been diabetic for almost 25 years and didn't really start taking care of myself (really) until last year.
2) With diabetes, I am at more risk for things like heart disease and dying of a heart attack, I also do not heal from injury as quickly and therefore I am more likely to get infections.
3) When I was growing up the big thing to talk about was all the diabetes complications that I could potentially face like blindness and kidney failure. So, I made my mom promise that if I went blind, I could get a dog. My priorities were SO out of line! LOL
4) I don't think a person really knows the truest sense of trust until you allow them to give you a shot.
5) Giving a shot is a lot like throwing a dart: you aim, you use a smooth straight motion...but the difference is that there is no follow-through and you shouldn't let go.
6) Diabetes care has drastically changed over the years, so you should not tell diabetics stories about how your grandma couldn't eat a piece of cake on her birthday or about how she had to have her leg amputated. Remember things are different now and the person you are speaking to is well aware of diabetes complications AND they are not your grandma.
7) I hate needles. I always have and because of this, I have always had some kind of device to insert any needle into me...a lancing device, an injector for syringes and the OmniPod ...this fear is the only reason I hate going to the doctor now.
So that's it...hopefully you enjoyed my list...it was fun to write it.
The rules!
Link to the person that tagged you, and post the rules on your blog.
Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself.
Tag 7 random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs.
Let each person know that they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog. So since this has been on the blog of three of my friends (Ginger, Barb and Laura), I'm going to do it with a Diabetes twist.
So let's get started, right?
1) I have been diabetic for almost 25 years and didn't really start taking care of myself (really) until last year.
2) With diabetes, I am at more risk for things like heart disease and dying of a heart attack, I also do not heal from injury as quickly and therefore I am more likely to get infections.
3) When I was growing up the big thing to talk about was all the diabetes complications that I could potentially face like blindness and kidney failure. So, I made my mom promise that if I went blind, I could get a dog. My priorities were SO out of line! LOL
4) I don't think a person really knows the truest sense of trust until you allow them to give you a shot.
5) Giving a shot is a lot like throwing a dart: you aim, you use a smooth straight motion...but the difference is that there is no follow-through and you shouldn't let go.
6) Diabetes care has drastically changed over the years, so you should not tell diabetics stories about how your grandma couldn't eat a piece of cake on her birthday or about how she had to have her leg amputated. Remember things are different now and the person you are speaking to is well aware of diabetes complications AND they are not your grandma.
7) I hate needles. I always have and because of this, I have always had some kind of device to insert any needle into me...a lancing device, an injector for syringes and the OmniPod ...this fear is the only reason I hate going to the doctor now.
So that's it...hopefully you enjoyed my list...it was fun to write it.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Trigger Finger
Blood Sugar:
So, Wednesday, I will have my second surgery to release a trigger finger. I had the first surgery in June of this year. Trigger finger is a painful tendon problem. Anyone can have a trigger finger, but diabetics that have not taken care of themselves for a prolonged period are subject to the issues of it. It usually sets in on the ring fingers...but no finger is safe from the dastardly effects of it. It starts as a popping sensation when you move your fingers. It doesn't hurt then and it just feels weird. As it progresses though, it becomes more painful and the finger can eventually 'lock' in place--which I assume would make surgery more difficult. My doc said that sometimes it will only be in the ring fingers and he may or may not have to operate on the same fingers again, but it can attack all of the fingers and that equals 10 separate surgeries. WOO HOO! Go diabetes! But in all seriousness, of all the complications that can come from not taking care of yourself, this is really minor. My first finger is good. It's a little stiff when it gets cold out but other than that it works pretty well. It doesn't ache when it's going to rain, like Grandpa's back used to! LOL!
So this is what it says on www.mayoclinic.com about trigger finger, "Trigger finger is a condition in which one of your fingers or your thumb catches in a bent position. Your finger or thumb may straighten with a snap — like a trigger being pulled and released. If trigger finger is severe, your finger may become locked in a bent position.
Often painful, trigger finger is caused by a narrowing of the sheath that surrounds the tendon in the affected finger. People whose work or hobbies require repetitive gripping actions are more susceptible. Trigger finger is also more common in women than in men, and in anyone with diabetes."
So here I am, typical diabetic recipient of the pain in the finger! So for those of you reading who have never experienced it...it starts as just a popping sensation and then it gets painful. Surgery is quick, my doc schedules 30 minutes, but says it really takes him about 7. Healing is quick, I was using my hand the next day and by the time I went back to work on Monday, I was typing like normal. Sometimes they want to treat it with steroid injections, and thankfully I got to skip all that...haven't I had enough shots in my lifetime?!
So, Wednesday, I will have my second surgery to release a trigger finger. I had the first surgery in June of this year. Trigger finger is a painful tendon problem. Anyone can have a trigger finger, but diabetics that have not taken care of themselves for a prolonged period are subject to the issues of it. It usually sets in on the ring fingers...but no finger is safe from the dastardly effects of it. It starts as a popping sensation when you move your fingers. It doesn't hurt then and it just feels weird. As it progresses though, it becomes more painful and the finger can eventually 'lock' in place--which I assume would make surgery more difficult. My doc said that sometimes it will only be in the ring fingers and he may or may not have to operate on the same fingers again, but it can attack all of the fingers and that equals 10 separate surgeries. WOO HOO! Go diabetes! But in all seriousness, of all the complications that can come from not taking care of yourself, this is really minor. My first finger is good. It's a little stiff when it gets cold out but other than that it works pretty well. It doesn't ache when it's going to rain, like Grandpa's back used to! LOL!
So this is what it says on www.mayoclinic.com about trigger finger, "Trigger finger is a condition in which one of your fingers or your thumb catches in a bent position. Your finger or thumb may straighten with a snap — like a trigger being pulled and released. If trigger finger is severe, your finger may become locked in a bent position.
Often painful, trigger finger is caused by a narrowing of the sheath that surrounds the tendon in the affected finger. People whose work or hobbies require repetitive gripping actions are more susceptible. Trigger finger is also more common in women than in men, and in anyone with diabetes."
So here I am, typical diabetic recipient of the pain in the finger! So for those of you reading who have never experienced it...it starts as just a popping sensation and then it gets painful. Surgery is quick, my doc schedules 30 minutes, but says it really takes him about 7. Healing is quick, I was using my hand the next day and by the time I went back to work on Monday, I was typing like normal. Sometimes they want to treat it with steroid injections, and thankfully I got to skip all that...haven't I had enough shots in my lifetime?!
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Hemaglobin A1c
Blood Sugar: 144
Ok, so prior to starting on the OmniPod, my A1c was 13.5%. WOW! It's supposed to be below 7. So I've been working and working at getting my basal levels set and checking my blood sugar more often and trying to eat better. In August, I went to my endo and my A1c then was 8.3%--quite an improvement. So yesterday, I had another one done as part of my pre-op exam for my surgery next Wednesday and it's a 7.9%! WOO HOO!!!! I don't think that it's EVER been in the 7's!!!! I know I still need to get it lower, but I just feel like this small victory empowers me to keep doing what I'm doing!
Ok, so prior to starting on the OmniPod, my A1c was 13.5%. WOW! It's supposed to be below 7. So I've been working and working at getting my basal levels set and checking my blood sugar more often and trying to eat better. In August, I went to my endo and my A1c then was 8.3%--quite an improvement. So yesterday, I had another one done as part of my pre-op exam for my surgery next Wednesday and it's a 7.9%! WOO HOO!!!! I don't think that it's EVER been in the 7's!!!! I know I still need to get it lower, but I just feel like this small victory empowers me to keep doing what I'm doing!
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