She's Got Diabetic Eyes

Twenty-five years before the first signs of uncontrolled diabetes has reared it's ugly head. 2 surgeries on my hands last year and and now it's time to work on my eyes.

I noticed early last week some 'disturbance' in my vision. After educating myself, via WebMD, I found that these little things that were in my way had a medical term: floaters. It didn't sound too prestigious to me either. So I made an appointment with my family doc, because that's what WebMD said I should do. She was "very concerned". Now let me tell you what that said to me...Karin, we are going to have you see a specialist, but we are going to have to remove your eye. OK, so that's not WHAT she said, but that's what I heard. I made the appointment with the specialist at the office she recommended and went to see him today.

It wasn't a good visit...definitely not the way I wanted to start my relationship with a new eye doctor...I saw the first doctor and he said that I should just sit for a few and he'd send in the surgeon. Excuse me, did you say surgeon? Yes, yes he did. So in comes the surgeon and he repeats all the things the previous doctor had done. Problems, problems, problems. Everything that can go wrong with a diabetic's eyes is going on with one or both of mine. I'm reading the stuff, trying to find out about co-pays and what is and what is not covered by my insurance and I have my first appointment in the laser clinic tomorrow. I'm not really in the mindset to go into specific diagnosis and verbage right now. Right now, I'm scared. I'm scared of going blind. I'm scared I can't afford the payments for the treatments. I'm scared that I won't be able to work. I'm scared I won't be able to drive. I'm scared I won't be able to read my Bible. I'm scared I won't be able to watch my granddaughter grow up. I'm scared about so many things.

I don't know if anyone even reads my blog. I know that I don't faithfully write here, but maybe one day I won't be able to anymore. I just keep thinking about all the things that I could have done differently and then thinking about why God had this in His plan for me...and then I wonder why when I'm at one of the scariest points of my life, I sit and question the God that I want everyone else to believe in. Maybe this is about prioritizing the things in my life...maybe this is about setting an example...maybe this is about finding out if I am strong...maybe the reasons are not meant for me to know.