2010...Can't Wait To See You

Blood Sugar: 156

Doing a lot of thinking today...many people are considering new year's resolutions and while I have things I want to change this year, I am looking at things from a whole new prospective. I seriously cannot see out of my left eye. It's cloudy and portions of my line of sight are blocked by blood that has collected in the vitreous lining of my eye.

So today, for me, is more about perspective than exact steps to change my ways of doing things. I have to re-evaluate my lifestyle and habits and have to come to some kind of resolution to change based on my future years on this earth instead of basing it on starting the new year on the right foot. Reality is dictating my steps versus desire...the harsh reality is that I could potentially lose my sight. It's something that has been said for the last 25 years, but it's real now. It's happening now. My decisions are based on my fears now instead of my desires...things are not the way that I want them to be. I don't want to face complications of diabetes and I don't want to change the way I do things. I am more suited to just roll with the punches instead of choreographing the steps. Whether that's good or bad is irrelevant...it's factual. My attitude has to change. I have to take the initiative and take control. I have to be actively checking my blood sugars and correcting the highs and stopping the lows. I have to make changes in my eating habits and come to grips with the reality that if I do not do these things, I won't be here for the many things that I want to be here for...more grandchildren, my step-daughter's wedding....retiring and growing old with my husband.

If I'd only known then, what I know now. If as a child I was more able to understand the impending complications that diabetes brings...if only I could be more accepting of things as they are because I've created them. How do you wrap your mind around such 'grown up' things when you are 8? You don't and you have to deal with the consequences of the choices you made when you were a child. I wish I still had that innocence and naivety that would be so wonderful right now...