Blood Sugar: 87
So I found out last night that I am a bad diabetic. Honestly, I was just shocked by the revelation. 8 years ago, I considered myself a bad diabetic. I didn't actively try to control what I ate or my blood sugars and I pretty much lived with my blood sugar, I'm sure, astronomically high. But something happened 5 years ago...I don't know if it was just something inside of me that said, "you are killing yourself every day you don't TRY to control your blood sugar," or if it was my impending marriage or the fact that I was now a mamaw...but my attitude changed. I was proactive, and if anyone knows me, proactive is not really my style...mostly I just want to hang out and see what happens. I found a doctor, I counted carbs, I decided I wanted an insulin pump to help me get things back into an acceptable range. And I've rocked it. Sure I have high blood sugars now and then and low blood sugars too...but it's NOTHING like it was prior to being on the pump. So what caused someone to say that I was a "bad diabetic"? The reply caused me to gag a little...I'm a bad diabetic because I take insulin. Uh, no, I'm alive today because I take insulin and that has NOTHING to do with being bad versus being good. As a matter of fact, my accuser went onto tell me that it was good that I didn't have children because bad diabetics cannot have successful pregnancies. What rock has my informer been living under? Keri at www.sixuntilme.com just successfully produced a little angel and there are millions of more stories like hers...but I think the hardest thing to take was the fact that I'm NOT the bad diabetic I was and I'm pretty proud of the control I have now and prefer the way I feel most of the time now better than before. I don't know, it just really rubbed me the wrong way and I wondered if anyone else had any thoughts on this...I think diabetes sucks and I think that people are either good or bad, but diabetes cannot be either. I have good days and I have bad days, but so does every non-diabetic in the world. Diabetes is something I live with but it is not something that defines who I am, I define how I handle it and what I allow it to affect in my life. While diabetes is a distinct part of who I am and does play into my decision making process (ie do I have enough insulin in my pod to eat that chocolate covered cream puff) it is NEVER the sole factor in my decisions. Thoughts?
Friday, August 13, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Irony At It's Finest
Blood Sugar: 94
On June 21, I posted a blog about this fear inside of me that I couldn't quite put my finger on...well June 25, 2010, my husband lost his job and our health insurance. Now let's talk about fear. I am absolutely terrified. I have medical bills that I still need to pay not to mention my mortgage and electric. I just don't know what we are going to do. I know that I can't afford to pay for COBRA...Now I can talk about being terrified. My company is working to get us health insurance, but we have such a small group and I'm the only one with a problem...so I'm sure when the quotes come in, it's going to raise the cost for the whole group because of me. Life is not fair, is it? I'm just trusting that God will provide the answers for me. He already is moving in ways that I could never have imagined. My friend was clearing stuff out after her husband passed away and was able to give me several bottles of insulin and test strips to use and I am SO very thankful. But I hate waiting, don't you?
On June 21, I posted a blog about this fear inside of me that I couldn't quite put my finger on...well June 25, 2010, my husband lost his job and our health insurance. Now let's talk about fear. I am absolutely terrified. I have medical bills that I still need to pay not to mention my mortgage and electric. I just don't know what we are going to do. I know that I can't afford to pay for COBRA...Now I can talk about being terrified. My company is working to get us health insurance, but we have such a small group and I'm the only one with a problem...so I'm sure when the quotes come in, it's going to raise the cost for the whole group because of me. Life is not fair, is it? I'm just trusting that God will provide the answers for me. He already is moving in ways that I could never have imagined. My friend was clearing stuff out after her husband passed away and was able to give me several bottles of insulin and test strips to use and I am SO very thankful. But I hate waiting, don't you?
Monday, June 21, 2010
I'm Scared
Blood sugar: 175
So, I'm scared. I'm scared of a thousand different things and I honestly have no idea what is making me feel like I need to write about it tonight. I was just sitting here, changing my pod and realized that the insulin that I am putting in the pod, is a hot commodity. My new health insurance is an HSA insurance. They called it a way to help me better manage my healthcare costs. The reality of this is that it has caused me to readjust how I manage my diabetes because of the costs that I incur everytime I go to the pharmacy or doctor. Sure, I walk out of the doctor paying nothing and get to wait for the bill, but it's the prescriptions that have me quaking in my boots. I was putting the insulin in the pod and thought, "what if this pod fails?" I can't retrieve the insulin really, so can I afford to waste that much? I can't. I also don't test my blood sugar as often because I only have a set number of strips per month. I just have a lot of issues with the way our healthcare system is set-up and I have a lot of questions that go unanswered...for instance:
if the medication is life-sustaining, shouldn't you give me a break on the cost? I mean, charge me full price for the test strips, I can maneuver around that, but the insulin? I have to have it or I die...it's pretty cut and dry, no gray area there...
I can only imagine that it's going to get worse before it gets better. I know that everyone has their own opinions of the new healthcare reform and what is going on in our government and while I don't know all the particulars, I can safely say that something needs to happen...something big needs to happen. I know that I am not the only person that has found themselves in this kind of position either and like you I have pushed due dates on other bills in order to have enough to pay for the prescription that I can't live without...but this isn't like I'm eating steak on a Ramen noodle budget...there are no options. I make too much money for assistance, but not enough to cover my necessary expenses with any ease and still live. So what are you doing to cope with the costs of healthcare and related expenses? I'm open to suggestion!
I just know that I don't like this fear that lives inside of me...
So, I'm scared. I'm scared of a thousand different things and I honestly have no idea what is making me feel like I need to write about it tonight. I was just sitting here, changing my pod and realized that the insulin that I am putting in the pod, is a hot commodity. My new health insurance is an HSA insurance. They called it a way to help me better manage my healthcare costs. The reality of this is that it has caused me to readjust how I manage my diabetes because of the costs that I incur everytime I go to the pharmacy or doctor. Sure, I walk out of the doctor paying nothing and get to wait for the bill, but it's the prescriptions that have me quaking in my boots. I was putting the insulin in the pod and thought, "what if this pod fails?" I can't retrieve the insulin really, so can I afford to waste that much? I can't. I also don't test my blood sugar as often because I only have a set number of strips per month. I just have a lot of issues with the way our healthcare system is set-up and I have a lot of questions that go unanswered...for instance:
if the medication is life-sustaining, shouldn't you give me a break on the cost? I mean, charge me full price for the test strips, I can maneuver around that, but the insulin? I have to have it or I die...it's pretty cut and dry, no gray area there...
I can only imagine that it's going to get worse before it gets better. I know that everyone has their own opinions of the new healthcare reform and what is going on in our government and while I don't know all the particulars, I can safely say that something needs to happen...something big needs to happen. I know that I am not the only person that has found themselves in this kind of position either and like you I have pushed due dates on other bills in order to have enough to pay for the prescription that I can't live without...but this isn't like I'm eating steak on a Ramen noodle budget...there are no options. I make too much money for assistance, but not enough to cover my necessary expenses with any ease and still live. So what are you doing to cope with the costs of healthcare and related expenses? I'm open to suggestion!
I just know that I don't like this fear that lives inside of me...
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Your Biggest Supporter
Blood Sugar: 76
Continuing in my "I'm still behind on this" style...
The next blogging assignment is to talk about our biggest supporter. My biggest supporter, without question, is my husband, David. David and I have been together since 2002 and married in 2005. He has always been just what I needed whenever I needed it. When I finally decided to take control of diabetes instead of it controlling me, he was on-board for the endeavor. I struggled through new diabetes regimens and doctors...he was right there with me. I tried being reasonable with these doctors and I tried to accommodate the expectations that they set, but it became a bigger and bigger problem. Finally I decided to try to get on an insulin pump, I was connected with a doctor that wanted me on a pump too...I learned about carbs and counting them, I learned about managing blood sugars and taking better care of myself. I figured out how many blood tests I needed to take a day to achieve the proper numbers when I went to the doctor and David was right there with me for every terrifying step of the way. I love him for it. His support and involvement has really opened my eyes to how wonderful life can be and how lucky I am. It has also given me the confidence to be supportive of other insulin-dependent diabetics, including our 2 year old niece, who was recently diagnosed. I can be a comfort to her and have a wealth of information to share with her parents! It's amazing how things work out and the paths that open up for us when we choose to see the shiny side of the coin!
Continuing in my "I'm still behind on this" style...
The next blogging assignment is to talk about our biggest supporter. My biggest supporter, without question, is my husband, David. David and I have been together since 2002 and married in 2005. He has always been just what I needed whenever I needed it. When I finally decided to take control of diabetes instead of it controlling me, he was on-board for the endeavor. I struggled through new diabetes regimens and doctors...he was right there with me. I tried being reasonable with these doctors and I tried to accommodate the expectations that they set, but it became a bigger and bigger problem. Finally I decided to try to get on an insulin pump, I was connected with a doctor that wanted me on a pump too...I learned about carbs and counting them, I learned about managing blood sugars and taking better care of myself. I figured out how many blood tests I needed to take a day to achieve the proper numbers when I went to the doctor and David was right there with me for every terrifying step of the way. I love him for it. His support and involvement has really opened my eyes to how wonderful life can be and how lucky I am. It has also given me the confidence to be supportive of other insulin-dependent diabetics, including our 2 year old niece, who was recently diagnosed. I can be a comfort to her and have a wealth of information to share with her parents! It's amazing how things work out and the paths that open up for us when we choose to see the shiny side of the coin!
Monday, May 17, 2010
Making The Low Go
Blood Sugar: 103
Next up on the daily diabetes blog post...which is significantly behind like 4 days!!! The criteria calls for "your favorite way to treat a low." My favorite way to treat a low is to over-treat it apparently, because that is what I ALWAYS do. When I was young, I remember going low and stumbling to the kitchen and not being able to figure out how to make a sandwich or a bowl of cereal....Pesky lows that leave me confused and scared are my least favorite. I have a pretty decent low-tolerance and can fully function at 60, although I don't like letting it go there, but after 60 you just never know what's going to happen...You could find me lying in the kitchen floor wondering why I am there, or maybe looking at the bread and the bologna and trying to make that "thing with the bread and the bologna"...Yes, I've had that conversation with my husband.
Recently, my favorite fix is an overloaded bowl of Fruity Pebbles. I love Fruity Pebbles and I don't care who knows it, but I rarely eat them because I found that the serving size of the cereal rarely matches the serving size of the milk and the whole bowl just becomes a bitter disappointment...but when I'm low, I just pour cereal and milk until it almost doesn't fit in the bowl anymore! I also keep a stash of glucose tabs that I'm not afraid to use. A lot of people complain about the chalky taste, but I just call them candy and I'm fine. I especially like the fruit punch flavored ones from Wal-Mart and have heard that the sour apple kind found at Sam's Club is also tasty, so I'll have to check that out.
So with this kind of regimen going on, I can safely say that I have never treated a low blood sugar without a significant spike later...which is much easier to deal with now that I am on the OmniPod, but still a real pain in the butt.
Next up on the daily diabetes blog post...which is significantly behind like 4 days!!! The criteria calls for "your favorite way to treat a low." My favorite way to treat a low is to over-treat it apparently, because that is what I ALWAYS do. When I was young, I remember going low and stumbling to the kitchen and not being able to figure out how to make a sandwich or a bowl of cereal....Pesky lows that leave me confused and scared are my least favorite. I have a pretty decent low-tolerance and can fully function at 60, although I don't like letting it go there, but after 60 you just never know what's going to happen...You could find me lying in the kitchen floor wondering why I am there, or maybe looking at the bread and the bologna and trying to make that "thing with the bread and the bologna"...Yes, I've had that conversation with my husband.
Recently, my favorite fix is an overloaded bowl of Fruity Pebbles. I love Fruity Pebbles and I don't care who knows it, but I rarely eat them because I found that the serving size of the cereal rarely matches the serving size of the milk and the whole bowl just becomes a bitter disappointment...but when I'm low, I just pour cereal and milk until it almost doesn't fit in the bowl anymore! I also keep a stash of glucose tabs that I'm not afraid to use. A lot of people complain about the chalky taste, but I just call them candy and I'm fine. I especially like the fruit punch flavored ones from Wal-Mart and have heard that the sour apple kind found at Sam's Club is also tasty, so I'll have to check that out.
So with this kind of regimen going on, I can safely say that I have never treated a low blood sugar without a significant spike later...which is much easier to deal with now that I am on the OmniPod, but still a real pain in the butt.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
A Day In The Life...with Diabetes
Blood sugar: 104
The criteria was simple. Write a blog every day for seven days about the different aspects of diabetes and how it affects your life. Sounds simple enough. I saw this on another diabetes blog, so I'm a few days behind, but better late than never...so here it goes.
The first assignment was to take the reader through a "quick rundown of an average day and all the ways in which diabetes touches it." Sounds simple until you really think about it and realize that diabetes has it's nasty little finger on every moment of your day. For instance, let's talk purses. I'm a self-proclaimed over packer and over pack everything, every day. I carry a larger purse just so I can drop my little 'bag of supplies' into it. Would I carry a larger purse if I didn't have to accommodate my diabetes supplies? I can't answer that because I don't really remember a time before having to carry the extra supplies. Sure I would leave the house without checking and making sure that everything I needed was in there, but the fact remains that I still had a bag.
There's no time for random eating...birthday cakes, while not forbidden, are a real pain in the finger. I check my blood sugar, guess at the carb amount and eat the cake...but did I guess close enough to not have to pay for the cake later? It's a crap shoot...so while I cannot run down a list of times and activities, I can safely say that there is nothing typical about any day with diabetes. Each day has it's own learning curve and you just have to cope the best way that you know how to. And each day, you just get through it. Sometimes you are fighting lows and sometimes you are fighting highs, but in the end, it doesn't really matter as long as you keep fighting.
The criteria was simple. Write a blog every day for seven days about the different aspects of diabetes and how it affects your life. Sounds simple enough. I saw this on another diabetes blog, so I'm a few days behind, but better late than never...so here it goes.
The first assignment was to take the reader through a "quick rundown of an average day and all the ways in which diabetes touches it." Sounds simple until you really think about it and realize that diabetes has it's nasty little finger on every moment of your day. For instance, let's talk purses. I'm a self-proclaimed over packer and over pack everything, every day. I carry a larger purse just so I can drop my little 'bag of supplies' into it. Would I carry a larger purse if I didn't have to accommodate my diabetes supplies? I can't answer that because I don't really remember a time before having to carry the extra supplies. Sure I would leave the house without checking and making sure that everything I needed was in there, but the fact remains that I still had a bag.
There's no time for random eating...birthday cakes, while not forbidden, are a real pain in the finger. I check my blood sugar, guess at the carb amount and eat the cake...but did I guess close enough to not have to pay for the cake later? It's a crap shoot...so while I cannot run down a list of times and activities, I can safely say that there is nothing typical about any day with diabetes. Each day has it's own learning curve and you just have to cope the best way that you know how to. And each day, you just get through it. Sometimes you are fighting lows and sometimes you are fighting highs, but in the end, it doesn't really matter as long as you keep fighting.
Friday, January 1, 2010
2010...Can't Wait To See You
Blood Sugar: 156
Doing a lot of thinking today...many people are considering new year's resolutions and while I have things I want to change this year, I am looking at things from a whole new prospective. I seriously cannot see out of my left eye. It's cloudy and portions of my line of sight are blocked by blood that has collected in the vitreous lining of my eye.
So today, for me, is more about perspective than exact steps to change my ways of doing things. I have to re-evaluate my lifestyle and habits and have to come to some kind of resolution to change based on my future years on this earth instead of basing it on starting the new year on the right foot. Reality is dictating my steps versus desire...the harsh reality is that I could potentially lose my sight. It's something that has been said for the last 25 years, but it's real now. It's happening now. My decisions are based on my fears now instead of my desires...things are not the way that I want them to be. I don't want to face complications of diabetes and I don't want to change the way I do things. I am more suited to just roll with the punches instead of choreographing the steps. Whether that's good or bad is irrelevant...it's factual. My attitude has to change. I have to take the initiative and take control. I have to be actively checking my blood sugars and correcting the highs and stopping the lows. I have to make changes in my eating habits and come to grips with the reality that if I do not do these things, I won't be here for the many things that I want to be here for...more grandchildren, my step-daughter's wedding....retiring and growing old with my husband.
If I'd only known then, what I know now. If as a child I was more able to understand the impending complications that diabetes brings...if only I could be more accepting of things as they are because I've created them. How do you wrap your mind around such 'grown up' things when you are 8? You don't and you have to deal with the consequences of the choices you made when you were a child. I wish I still had that innocence and naivety that would be so wonderful right now...
Doing a lot of thinking today...many people are considering new year's resolutions and while I have things I want to change this year, I am looking at things from a whole new prospective. I seriously cannot see out of my left eye. It's cloudy and portions of my line of sight are blocked by blood that has collected in the vitreous lining of my eye.
So today, for me, is more about perspective than exact steps to change my ways of doing things. I have to re-evaluate my lifestyle and habits and have to come to some kind of resolution to change based on my future years on this earth instead of basing it on starting the new year on the right foot. Reality is dictating my steps versus desire...the harsh reality is that I could potentially lose my sight. It's something that has been said for the last 25 years, but it's real now. It's happening now. My decisions are based on my fears now instead of my desires...things are not the way that I want them to be. I don't want to face complications of diabetes and I don't want to change the way I do things. I am more suited to just roll with the punches instead of choreographing the steps. Whether that's good or bad is irrelevant...it's factual. My attitude has to change. I have to take the initiative and take control. I have to be actively checking my blood sugars and correcting the highs and stopping the lows. I have to make changes in my eating habits and come to grips with the reality that if I do not do these things, I won't be here for the many things that I want to be here for...more grandchildren, my step-daughter's wedding....retiring and growing old with my husband.
If I'd only known then, what I know now. If as a child I was more able to understand the impending complications that diabetes brings...if only I could be more accepting of things as they are because I've created them. How do you wrap your mind around such 'grown up' things when you are 8? You don't and you have to deal with the consequences of the choices you made when you were a child. I wish I still had that innocence and naivety that would be so wonderful right now...
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